Craters, Crevices and Creativity: Fear

Craters, Crevices and Creativity

Fear

By Monica Kagan

It’s been ages since I’ve written this column (or anything for that matter). My anxiety and depression have been overwhelming for some time now. I always wanted to be a novelist. I’ve thought for my whole life that I would be a novelist, but it seems that my abilities lie in shorter works, such as flash fiction and poetry. So, I’ve decided to focus on poetry. But when I say ‘focus’, I haven’t done anything yet.

I haven’t been writing poetry, because of fear as Elizabeth Gilbert says in her book “Big Magic”. Everything boils down to fear. I’m afraid I won’t be good enough. I’m afraid I won’t improve. I’m afraid that the new poems won’t live up to the older poems. I’m afraid I’ll never get any awards or nominations for my work. I’m afraid that I’ve forgotten how to write a decent poem.

The only light at the end of my creative tunnel is that I now have a poetry mentor. Her name is Elisabeth Horan and she is an extremely talented poet and a wonderful, generous person. She writes a brilliant feature for this blog called “The Ward”. She is helping me on my poetry journey and helping me craft my debut micro chapbook. It’s very exciting! I am an emerging poet. Seems surreal to say I’m a poet. As if I’m referring to someone else.

As Elizabeth Gilbert says, you can create if you accept that you are afraid but create anyway. I hope I’ll be able to take her advice.

Thank you for reading. Until next time.

Monica